Saturday, June 22, 2024

Tom Brady roast on Netflix: 12 best burns* of NFL legend, Bill Belichick and Patriots

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“The Greatest Roast of All Time: The Roast of Tom Brady,” part of the annual “Netflix is a Joke Festival,” took place Sunday night at the Kia Forum in Inglewood, California, and aired live on the streaming platform.

Brady, the seven-time Super Bowl champion quarterback, was the key figure getting roasted. However, his former head coach Bill Belichick and New England Patriots teammates also took their licks during the program.

Drew Bledsoe, Randy Moss, Rob Gronkowski, Julian Edelman, Rodney Harrison, Willie McGinest, Matt Light and Nate Solder were among Brady’s former Patriots teammates in attendance. Patriots owner Robert Kraft and the team’s former head coach, Bill Belichick, also were present and took to the microphone to deliver messages to the to-be first-ballot Hall of Fame quarterback.

While TB12 took the brunt of the roasting, Bledsoe, Gronkowski, Edelman and Belichick also were on the receiving end of plenty of razzing.

Here are the 12 best burns* (* that are safe to print in a family publication such as USA TODAY) from Sunday night’s “GROAT” on Netflix:

Julian Edelman, Patriots WR (2009-2020)

“Leonardo DiCaprio’s ex-girlfriend’s ex-husband.” — In one of a number of jokes referring to Brady’s ex-wife, fashion model Gisele Bündchen.

“Alex (Guerrero) is the snake oil salesman who turned Tom into a big (expletive) weirdo.” — On Brady’s “body coach” and business partner, who was in attendance for the roast.

Rob Gronkowski, Patriots TE (2010-2018), Buccaneers TE (2020-2021)

“Let’s talk about my designated driver, Tom Brady. We played together for 11 years and I barely know this guy.”

Drew Bledsoe, Patriots QB (1993-2001)

“Can you please stay (expletive) retired? We’re sick of this (expletive).” — Speaking for most NFL fans.

Nikki Glaser, comedian

“Drew, I’m going to move on from you just like your team did after you almost died.”

Randy Moss, Patriots WR (2007-10)

“I’ll tell you what you deflated: my legacy. I want my ring … Drew Bledsoe was in the freakin’ hospital, and he has a Super Bowl ring. Nate Ebner – who the (expletive) is Nate Ebner? – he has three Super Bowl rings.” — On not being part of Brady’s six title teams in New England.

Bill Belichick, Patriots head coach (2000-2023)

“I rescued a dog from a shelter and rescued Randy (Moss) from the Raiders. Sorry you didn’t get a ring. Not sorry enough to give you one of mine.” — Referring to the 2007 trade that sent Moss from AFC West doormat Oakland to title-contending New England.

“Ron Burgundy … the only member of the media I respect.”

“Not so easy running a team, is it Tom? Stick to American football.” — Referring to the English soccer team Birmingham City, which was relegated to a lower league in Brady’s first year as part-owner.

Will Ferrell, actor

“I never liked you, Tom. In all my years of watching football, I never saw a more boring quarterback; the master of the 6-yard slant. Randy (Moss), he was never going to get you that ring. … Tom is the master of the check down. You were just a sexy decoy.” — In character as Ron Burgundy, who also called Brady “a dead robot of a quarterback.”

Peyton Manning, Colts QB (1998-2010), Broncos QB (2012-2015)

“My (golf) handicap is a 6.4. Tom’s handicap is blowing leads to my brother Eli in the Super Bowl.” — Also referred to Brady as a “three-time Super Bowl loser.” Brady did get in a the last word, however, saying, “Peyton, sometimes you live in Denver, sometimes you live in Louisiana, but you’ll always live in my shadow.”

Robert Kraft, Patriots owner

“Vladimir Putin, if you’re watching, give me my (expletive) ring back.” — Kraft has long said that the Russian president stole his Super Bowl XXXIX ring.

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